SGFFL Team President Exposed

As reported by SGFFL correspondent for the day
Carmen Electra, ( seen here at the post draft party
wearing VooDoo Team Colors)

We have found the true identity of "Dark Helmet"
FlogginDolphins Team president
Joe Fazio himself, "
growing concern had been expressed
by various owners on the where abouts of Dark Helmet,
we now know he has a second career.
http://www.joefazio.com

Britt Taylor had the following comments "As long as it does
not interfere with the day to day ops of his team we have
no restrictions on moonlighting" When shown his picture, Britt had this to say "I had no idea that Jerry Garcia was a team owner, shit, i mean James Taylor, err hell, I don't give a **** what Joe looks like. As long as he pays league dues"

Upon viewing his website and listening to his music Ysabella Raegan was quoted
as saying, "Sooth is looking better and better everyday

Stunning News !

As was just reported by John Clayton from ESPN "Kevin Barlow from Carolina Avon Reps is on the market" This is shocking due the Love Affair Jason Daniel has for the 49's.
We have been told that their was a growing sentiment within the team's office regarding Jason's unhealthy love of San Fran....This just proves that their are cracks in his teams foundation.
With it still being pre-season this is not a good Omen for Carolina Avon Reps...

Trades Trades Trades !

From John Clayton of ESPN "Every team is looking to upgrade their rosters, the problem is each owner is looking to give up nothing for something !"

One thing we do know is that if you have an San Francisco 49'er call Carolina Avon Rep Jason Daniel "they are my sleeper team, I really like their offensive line" he was quoted.

League President Britt Taylor was seen speaking with several team owners, with Stephen Jackson the main focus of talks "You have to be crazy" he was heard saying, to an owner, when offered a potential trade.

Several team owners also reported receiving "ridiculous" offers from Casey Yandle, owner of It's In The Game....

On a side note, we have been told by league insiders that Chris Rolfe has been seen "playing the room" talking trades with several owners...one team president, whom did not want to be named..claims that Chris was "floating" Terrell Owens.

Post Draft Grading

We contacted league owners for their "grading" of the 2005 Draft, here is what the so called "experts" are telling us. ( those that have replied to our request for grading )

Carolina Avon Ladies A-
CadFly B-
Chips C+
Its In The Game B+
Habap C+
DarkHelmet B-
Legions A-
Destonova B-
Carolina Connection C
VooDoo C+

Feedback from Team owners Ranked "CHIPS" as the overall winner in this years draft.

VooDoo make DAUNTE # 1

Team VooDoo makes Daunte Culpepper the #3 pick of the 2005 draft, "we feel Daunte brings strong leadership and unlimited skills to our team, we are very excited" john saldi team president.

At a post draft party, Ysabella Raegan, seen here, expressed her concerns about the receiving core..."Whose gonna catch the ball ? ( interpretation ) ... To which incoming lead receiver Jerry Porter said " What did she say ? she's freakin seven weeks old, how can she comment? "

When asked about being TopLess at the pre party festivities Ysabellas daddy had the following comments, "she has a very strong personality, I love her and though I don't always agree with her actions, well, what can ya do ?" "Her mom has a stripper pole in the bedroom for goodness sake"

When asked to elaborate John had no comment,

meanwhile Erica Saldi has not replied to requests for an interview or demonstration of this pole.

Mel Kipper Jr. of ESPN "Breaks it Down"

My sleeper picks,

Round One, love what InTheGame did, Julius Jones #12, by virtue of Bill Parcells like of the running game should have a strong season.
Round Two, Marvin Harrison, #18 second round ? This is a steal !!
Round Three, we like J.J. Anderson of those Chips again. Also like the chance Rolfe is taking Carson Palmer, he could be ready for a big season
Round Four, Nate Burelson (52), a player VooDoo had in sight
Round Five, I like the Arizona boys. Bolden and Fitzgerald, could be prone for breakout seasons.

Kips, as he is known in our league was very happy to hear that the stadium is still going up.

2005 Draft is official A SURPRISING # 1 PICK

The 2005 SGFFL Draft is now official. Sixteen teams took part in the 15 round draft, And with a bit of a surprise the # 1 pick, to the Chips was Ladainian Tomlinson. Despite having Peyton Manning on the board a running back with a knack for finding the EndZone along with eating up yards goes #1.
Sooth AKA Estrada, as in Ponch from California Hwy Patrol, had the following to say about this surprising move. "Ysabella Raegan promised me a date, on her 20th birthday, if I did not pick daunte or peyton, well, I saw a picture of Ysa's mom and ... well... I thought the gamble was worth it" "In addition to this, Britt Taylor told me that I could have pick #1 if I didn't choose Peyton, so it was a win win all the way around."
"Overall this was a very strong draft, some surprises but very strong. I am surprised so many running backs went ahead of wide receivers, Marvin Harrison to the second round ?" I just think many owners fell asleep...Literally....they fell asleep." DRAFT EXPERT MEL KIPER JR.
http://proxy.espn.go.com/melkiper/ Mel will be contributing our ALL SLEEPER PICKS, later this evening.


# 1 Chips LaDainian Tomlinson (RB SD)
# 2 Carolina Connection Peyton Manning (QB IND)
# 3 VooDoo Daunte Culpepper (QB MIN)
# 4 CadFly Donovan McNabb (QB PHI)
# 5 Cunning Stunts Randy Moss (WR OAK)
# 6 Well Endowed Shaun Alexander (RB SEA)
# 7 Legions Priest Holmes (RB KC)
# 8 FLOGGING Willis McGahee (RB BUF)
# 9 River Rats Corey Dillon (RB NE)
# 10 Eagles Domanick Davis (RB HOU)
# 11 Rolfe Edgerrin James (RB IND)
# 12 IT'S IN THE Julius Jones (RB DAL)
# 13 Carolina Avon Deuce McAllister (RB NO)
# 14 CPU's Jamal Lewis (RB BAL)
# 15 Cherrydale Ahman Green (RB GB)
# 16 Acadians Trent Green (QB KC)

You Tell Us, Who would be your number 1

If you had the # 1 Pick who would it be ?

Mock Draft

1 RB LaDainian Tomlinson SD
2 RB Shaun Alexander SEA
3 RB Priest Holmes KC
4 QB Peyton Manning IND
5 RB Willis McGahee BUF
6 RB Edgerrin James IND
7 RB Deuce McAllister NO
8 RB Jamal Lewis BAL
9 RB Domanick Davis HOU
10 RB Corey Dillon NE
11 RB Clinton Portis WAS
12 RB Julius Jones DAL

X and O team Owner Sooth declined comment when asked about LT being the #1 pick. With team officials of the VooDoo leaning towards picking LT with the # 3 pick Team Director of Marketing/Communications Ysabella Raegan DENIED the report that she has received approval to go on a date, in the year 2025 ( her 20th birthday ) with sooth if X and O passed on LT.

Her daddy also denied this report " No this is not true ! This accusation has made my daughter visably upset, we are going to tell Britt on whomever started this rumor" The below picture of Ysabella was taken minutes after being told that Sooth wanted to date when she was 20.

Mock Draft Update

We have compiled our first annual Mock Draft. Conducted by fans of the SGFFL, the draft ran thru four rounds.

When asked why the mock draft only had 12 teams, considering the league has 16 teams, league sources expressed the following "Four teams were left out, the reasoning, very simple.
Due to the recent "politically correct" indian decision, in which all NCAA division one teams were told indian mascots would not be permitted during televised games, this due in part to the
American Indian Council and supporters...we decided to become "in tune" with our target market. The teams dropped from the Mock Draft and reasons.....
Avon Ladies dropped due to Lesbian/Gay Alliance concerns for name
Flogging Dolphins ? Concerns about PETA throwing cans of tuna at league commish Britt Taylor,
Well Endowed Players ( concerns about Viagra maker Pfizer suing the league for defemation ) ... Pfizer Director of Communications Laura Bangher rel eased this statement " We were pleased with the SGFFL's decision to drop Loretto from the mock draft, as we all know Loretto has no pecker...so why call himself well endowed ?"
CherryDale Jobbers dropped due to the sexual nature of this teams name

Draft Order Change ?

League Commissioner Britt Taylor announced that there may be a draft order change in the works. Reached for comment owner Chris Rolfe had the following comment " You did not hear me say this, however, the Commish is picking # 2 ? his good friend, whom he is the corporate sponsor for, is picking # 3 .... you tell me ? Draft reshuffle, I doubt it"

Mr. Taylor, when told of this had the following to say. " As always, the league is never happy with the comments from the owners, but we will handle this internally."

It has been learned that VooDoo President John Saldi has been fined $1.00 for his "every owner is a druggie" comment. League insiders feel the same fine may be coming to Chris Rolfe.

SGFFL league draft will be held this Sunday 8pm. Tickets can be purchased at
http://www.ticketmaster.com Draft to be held in the banquet hall of the New York Wyndham
http://www.wyndhamnewyorkhotels.com

Randy Moss a VooDoo ??

Enigmatic Wide Receiver Randy Moss has been listed as a possible target for the Saldi VooDoo. This despite his recent comments to Bryant Gumble on HBO's Real Sports http://www.hbo.com/realsports/index.html
regarding admitted marijuana use.
http://cbs.sportsline.com/nfl/story/8747660

When asked to comment Team CEO John Saldi had the following to say
"What's a little weed ? Hell 3/4 of the owners in the SGFFL are using RIGHT NOW!"

This comment was not taken lightly by league commissioner Britt Taylor " We have heard the comments by Mr. Saldi and are not happy, however, as always, we will handle this internally"

We reached Legions team owner Ian McEachern for comment "Look, do I agree with what he said no, I would have said 3/4 do coke....Kidding ! Kidding !...in all seriousness, drugs are bad, mmkay ? just say no!"

In a related story Ysabella Raegan has agreed to random urine testing, she peepee'd on her daddy tonight.

Meet your 2005 VooDoo Dolls !

YOUR 2005 VooDoo Dolls, brought to you by your home town Hooters,
"delightfully tacky yet unrefined"
www.hooters.com the Doll's sponsor.

We called Ysabella and asked for comments regarding choosing the 2005 Dolls, but her mommy said she was sleeping.

Stadium Corporate Sponsor Named !

The Saldi VooDoo are pleased to announce the signing of a five year partnership with
www.mycologneandperfume.com. This partnership comes after intense negotiations between
Tommy Hilfiger, Elizabeth Taylor and John Saldi.

It is thought that the last minute intervention of SGFFL commissioner Britt Taylor helped swing the pendulum in Elizabeth Taylors direction. When asked if being the wife of Britt may have, in some way, created a conflict of interest Mrs. Taylor replied " No, they have been friends for six years. We all know that friendship has nothing to do with business"

Reps from Tommy Hilfiger Inc. had the following comments "Once we knew Mrs. Saldi wore Tommy Boxers to bed we felt we had a closed case, we were wrong, obviously wearing our clothing does not guarantee a partnership"

2005 VooDoo Doll Hopefuls

Auditions are "Heating UP" !!

Ysabella Raegan was quoted as saying
" We will have the hottest dance squad within the SGFFL"..... Ysabella also responded to recent grumblings that her age may hinder the selection process.
"Despite being five weeks old i have a very keen sense of smell, i know when im around a good boobie, and you can quote me on that"


From her bedside retreat in Wilson North Carolina Ysabella wanted to assure the public that the team is her # 1 priority. "I have heard that some people feel that my
lack of ability to feed and control my bowels will affect
my devotion. This is not accurate, I have someone near me 24-7 to feed and clean me"

Cheerleading Audition Pictures

Future VooDoo Dolls ? The competition
is fierce.

Open Auditions for The VooDoo Dolls

Hopefull canidates await a personal screening by CEO and Club President John Saldi. After a preliminary meeting they will then have a dance audition with Club Marketing & Communication Director Ysabella Raegan, after her mid-day feeding that is.

Team Announces Player TryOuts

Daunte Culpepper and LaDainian Tomlinson both comfirmed that they will be working out for VooDoo management on August 19th. This furthers the speculation that they are high on the VooDoo Draft Chart.
"With the importance of the number three pick in the upcoming draft we are very aware of the need for a quality starter" commented team CEO John Saldi "further more, knowing that Payton Manning is the consensus # 1 we feel both Daunte and LT would be a premier player in the 3 spot"

Also announced, by Ysabella Saldi, is the formation of the VoodDoo Dolls. Interprating her jibberish she was thought to have said " We intend to have only the sexiest woman dancing for us...well at least sexy to my daddy"

Team Announces New Ownership

Today the SaldiVooDoo anounced a new ownership. Purchasing the Team for an undisclosed amount of money was John & Ysabella Saldi. John, team CEO / President, will handle day to day operations, Ysabella, named Director of Marketing and Communications are excited about the possibilities.

"We are very pleased to be invited into the SGFFL, we bring a strong commitment and look forward to a long lasting relationship with the other owners"
SGFFL Commisioner Britt Taylor added "John and Ysabella bring a dynamic nature to our league. With John's cutting edge business sense and Ysabellas strong marketing background I have no doubt the VooDoo will rule supreme for a long time"