Pick Em Girl Week 4

**the following post may contain material not suitable for all,Reader Discretion is Suggested**

Party Girl and well known actress Jenna Jameson has been selected as week 4 pick'em girl.

Celebrating at a local night spot, Jenna and Erica spent Thursdaynight discussing the SGFFL and the two recent trades Erica pulled off.

"I was really thrilled when Erica called, it's as exciting as when i won AVN "Best Girl on Girl Scene". "As to the trades," Dunn and Jackson give Erica a running game...now we have to hope Delhomme and Green can carry the rest of the "load" She also remarked about the recent "picture" scandal. "I told Erica that there is a fine line between decency and indecency...I really do not think John crossed that line...and I should know...so, she has allowed for her picture to be posted AND I even had her agree to the following. She will allow for a bikini pic of her to be posted IF AT LEAST TWO additional wives will agree to allow for a bathing suit/bikini pic of themselves to be posted..."

"Before I go "play doctor" with Erica, let me make my picks. Come visit me at http://www.clubjenna.com/

Now to the picks.........

CunningStunts -4 vs. VooDoo

Laying Points, hmm that is something even I have not done. Anything that involves Girl action and I am all over it, sooooo with Erica in control, the way I like it, I am going to stretch and take my girl +4

VOODOO + 4

FLOGGIN DOLPHIN +8 vs AvonLadies

se habla espanol poppy....los abogados que adoro.And you thought Porn Stars were stupid !How can I pick against the ladies ? If you have seen my movie "who needs men" you know how much I love me a group of women, even if they sell make up doorto door. Sorry mr. lawyer, nothing personal! *Kisses*

Give me Avon -8

FluffyBunnies - 4 vs Rolfe

Has any pic'em girl mentioned that women love bad boys ?Give me T.O. and V.O. and why not throw in Nicolette Sheridan....a three way plus 4 points equals a win in my book baby. Anyhow, my bunny isn't fluffy.

Rolfe +4

Wiz -3 vs EAGLES

Guys if you have seen my films you know I LOVE to Spoon.Of course this Spoon isn't no peter north if you know what im talking about...How long can these old receivers "keep it up" ???hehe...I like an upset, give me what I like....BALD Eagles..

Eagle +3

VIKING + 3 VS CHERRY

I love this matchup ! What GIRL/GIRL Porn veteran doesn't LOVE Cherry ? and what rough tough Porn veteran doesn't like a little viking once in a while ?? I will take the spread....give me KING!

VIKING +3

WEP -10 vs Acadians

Love these names guys ! How can I not take the ENDOWED ?Don't let 'em fool you, size does matter...one reason why John is in Erica's doghouse *wink*

Give me the BIG GUY all the time -10

PUCKER UP even CADFLY

Did someone say Spanish Fly and Pucker Up in the same sentence ?? You must be kidding, BULGER is the QB's name ?And the second qb is named didher? when,where?? errr...oh its Dilfer...o.k. Let's get back to the serious stuff....I am goingto take Spanish Fly in this one.

ITsInTheGame -2 vs LEGION

I feel bad, Legion one of three 0-3 teams...being in the hole ain't that bad though.....really.....take my word for it.....Let's take Vick and the the winless vs. Yandlewitz...

Legion +2

O.K. Guys, let me see those bathing suit pictures ! Erica has Promised !!!!

The Insider Reports "suspended owner suspended by wife"

Saldi VooDoo Owner John Saldi, recently suspended by league commissioner Britt Taylor has been suspended, at home, by his wife Erica.

We are told that the picture of Erica, showing her teeth, is the root of this issue. Not ! and again i repeat, Not the floating rumor that John slept with the nanny.

At last report Erica has cut John off all together. Her needs being unfulfilled at present, means she is looking for a stop gap until John is out of the dog house.

When reached for comment John had this to say "I am in the dog house, what else is new ?"
No love from the SGFFL and no love from my wife....this is a conspiracy. All i can think of is that
somehow, someone posted the picture inadvertently." I would like to take this time to personally apologize to my wife."

PickEm Girl Week 4

Look what a woman's point of view brings to the Pick Em Girls....

Week 3 Power Poll

O.K. Boys, I have been told that because i used the word "fish" and "dolphin" think that this is John Typing the blog. So, what you are saying is that my husband is so stupid that he would not know this ?
Not Endowed Yes, Stupid...well..umm..hmm hehe...suppose i better say no. Anyhow, let me turn this over to my good friend Chris Mortensen

Erica, thank you...and my pleasure to add my input into the SGFFL. Will give you a quick recap of the top 5

1. WIZARD 41.5 Payton has not even had a "Manningesque"

game yet..this could be scary

2. ITSinTheGame 38.5 Great turn around from an awful start

give Casey Yandle the credit

3. WellEndowed 37.5 Shawn Alexander keeps this team a threat

4. CunningStunts 37.5 Tom Brady and Randy Moss make this team legit

5. AvonLadies 34 They continue to over achieve..for how long ?

I enjoyed my stay, off to WWW.ESPN.COM to answer other fantasy questions.

p.s. For those who think i am not writing this blog,

I told you I went to the dentist today ! See >>>>>>

teeth look good huh ?

Top Scoring Team for Week 3

WELL ENDOWED SCORES 128 POINTS !

AND WHAT DO YOU WIN JOHNNY ?
YOU CAN COME WASH MY CAR

Week Three Recap

I have a dental appointment this morning, So I am not going to mince words... week three highlights...my way


Puckers 105 My Team 102

What the Puck is going on ? Over 100 pts and we lose ? It does not take a guy to realize 0-3 is not going to cut it. Heads will be rolling.
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AVON 108 Smooth aka viking 85

Though I do not wear Avon, being a lady it is nice to think that there is another woman in this league running a team... oh, wait, avon ladies is run by a man...hmmm...sounds like we have a crossdresser in our midst.
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RATS 116 EAGLE 93

Being a Registered Dietician I can attest to the filth and disease carried by these animals. Why would a guy want to be known as a nasty, long toothed, rodent ? I like "fluffy rabbits", so, from this point on, its the fluffy rabbits

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DOLPHINS 99 JOBBERS 82

Research indicates that including a variety of fish in the diet is beneficial in reducing the risk of stroke and coronary heart disease among women. Cute logo, now tell your wife to eat some fish this week.
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WEPS 128 LEGIONS 83

"well endowed" Ha, I doubt it. Anyhow size does not matter...of course you would expect me to say that, I am married to John

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CUNNING 91 CADFLY 87

Flies are dirty, Chris, stay away from Pizza Inn this week. Be a good influence on your BROTHER !

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WIZ 108 ROLFE 80

Ouch ! Now would be the time to trade Manning for Delhomme @@ Wiz are 3-0 !! WoooHeee......now before you get to excited, its a make believe game for goodness sake. Go make some phone calls.

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YANDLEWITZ 117 ACADIAN 72

45 points huh, I haven't seen a beaten that bad since john didn't buy me a birthday gift, after I told him NOT to buy me anything. Boys, if a girl says Don't Buy Me Anything...
Well, need I say more ?

Oh, and one more thing. Your little Victoria Secret Girl..she was 3 - 5, so much for an angel knowing anything ! Pick Em girls are now 15-9 after three weeks.

Off to see my cute dentist in Greenville N.C.

New Acting CEO of VooDoo

As of today and until the three week suspension is lifted, i will be handling day to day operations of the VooDoo and the Blog.If, by some odd chance i start to enjoy this thing, well, my husband will not be back.

Don't think that just because I am a girl that you can pull wool over my eyes on any trade deal.

I hope you enjoy a woman's point of view. And, before you ask....NO Joe Fazio- Dave Navarre I will not post a picture of myself and my stripper pole.
I have already cut john off for telling people about that !

John Saldi Comments on Suspension

"I can only blame myself, however, I would like to make two points.
# 1 Jason Daniel planted the bug in my head about posting polls on the SGFFL website
he owns the Avon Ladies, so does he have something to gain ? Well of course he does !
# 2 Russell Jones, could he have wanted us to have no fun at home also ? Think about it, harmless fun at lunch....NO...Blocked website at RTC....Harmless fun at home ? I simply ask the question, could he have been the real person behind this ?
"Are either of these two people to blame, well, yes...however i will accept the punishment"
"To my wife I simply ask her not to trade away the whole team in my absence.

Owner Suspended

Britt Taylor announced today that, Team Owner John Saldi of the VooDoo has been suspended for three weeks, due to the recent "website" debacle.

In his absence his wife Erica Saldi will be taking over day to day operations. As part of the suspension Mr.Saldi will not be allowed to participate in any SGFFL functions including the blog.

For the next three weeks a 29year old wife with no clue about football and a 2 month old baby will be handling the VooDoo.

Mr. Saldi had these comments "Sorry for creating a very bad situation. I accept the penalty handed down, I want to also thank Mr.Taylor for his quick reaction to this issue"

Technical Difficulties Lead to possible Resignation

In what has been described as the worst breech in league website history, VooDoo president John Saldi has been blamed for creating a redirect on the home page of the SGFFL league website.

Mr.Saldi, declined a request for interview. Britt Taylor did have the following statement,
"We are extremely concerned with this breach of security. We feel this is a very serious matter and will take whatever steps, we feel necessary, to deal with the problem."

Already Washington D.C. has become involved. Hillary Clinton, possible democratic presidential nominee had this to say. "This is eerily similar to what happened to Bill, I think it is not hard to put two and two together, a right wing conspiracy to ruin this man" " I am officially calling for bi-partisan committee, paid for by Joe Fazio,
as he is a rich bastard"

We did reach Erica Saldi, " I had better not find out an intern was involved in this , if so his resignation and, might i say small part, will be on my desk in the morning"

Week 3 Picks by Adriana Lima, victoria secret model

VooDoo - 1 vs CPU
Winless VooDoo favored ? Take CPU and steal the casinos money. After all, whats the best way to score with a model ? Big Glass of Beer of Course Give me the big beer mug baby !!
CPU + 1

Viking -2 vs Avon Ladies
Going to be a very good matchup, you have to love the high scoring Viking, In the old world the Vikings would have come to Avon, located in England, and burned the city, stolen the women and eaten all the goats. At last check norv turner was still coaching the raiders...so give me the drunkin Nordsmen to pillage again.
VIKING -2


RiverRats +26 vs Eagles

Is this a college game ? 26 points ? to many to give any SGFFL team..even if they are playing the VooDoo. Take these Rats,with portis and sleeper wr darrell jackson
Rats +26


FlogginDolphins even CherryDale
another wonderful matchup, in a close one give me Cherry.By the way, when is the last time you went to http://www.victoriassecret.com/ and bought you better half something,did you know everytime you spend a dollar i am able to be paid 4 million a year ?
CHERRY in a pick em



Wiz - 4 vs Rolfe
Isn't it time for steven jackson to go off ? isn't it time for peyton to go off ? However, Palmer, T.O., the Edge, Chargers D.....the only fault in the wiz is that defense. Give me Rolfe in a very close game. Have you ever seen me in thigh highs ? check it out www.victoriassecret.com
ROLFE + 4



AC -4 vs ItsInTheGame
From the depths of despair to a 500 record. The Yandlewitz have a little strut in their step. Led by Julius Jones and Stephen Davis...they have a strong ground attack, however, qb is a question as is wide out spots. Trent Green, Tike and Warrick have me leaning toward the Acadians....can an angel be wrong ?
AC - 4


Legions + 17 vs WellEndowed
Size does matter however 17 points ? Holmes and Leftwich look good but i like WEP to beat the spread, in my major stretch take the Endowed Guys....speaking of endowed, what would happen if your wife wore something from http://www.victoriasecrets.com/ tonight ?
ENDOWED -17


Cadfly +10 vs CunningStunts
McNabb but no running backs, Panthers D vs. Miami...Jets D vs. Jax, John Casey, Tom Brady...and, as was said byJess Alba, girls like Bad Bad Bad Boys...Randy Moss, dope smokin, female traffic cop runnin over in his SUV, just downrightbad ass man.
Give me Cunning -10

HOW CAN AN ANGEL BE WRONG ??

Simpson Visits VooDoo Headquarters

Jessica Simpson ( seen standing with VooDoo owner John Saldi )stopped by team HeadQuarters on Wednesday. In what can only be described as a "pep talk" Jess, as she is known by John, talked to team management about the direction the team is heading.

Ysabella Raegan, in between breast feedings with Jess,said the following "i called my girl Jess, said that mommy needed a break with feedings, she was kind enough to offer her enormous gifts to me...how could i refuse ?"
Can this visit change the direction of the VooDoo ? We will see this weekend.
Team co-ordinator Don "magic" Juan chimed in with these comments "damn, that is fine hoe"

p.s. in related news, Dark Helmet had the following comments regarding Pick Em Girl Week Three Poll"Who are the jokers voting for the wives? They must not be married more than 1 month, b/c after that the factor kicks in, and no sane man would be voting to see a picture of his own wife"

We are trying to reach his wife for comment.

Week 3 Pick Em Girl

You Pick 'er for Week Three,

Jamie Pressley, from Kinston N.C....first woman to appear as a cover girl Twice for Stuff Magazine

-or- Adriana Lima Victoria Secret Model, Top 10 Maxim Mag Girl, #1 Askmen.com girl, This Brazilian Beauty has 33-23-33 measurements

Or Vote in Your Wife/GirlFriend ! If "Your Wife/GF" wins, we request a picture !

ADRIANA WINS POLL

Week Two Car Wash Winner

** PICTURE DELETED DUE TO OFFENSIVE CONTENT***



Viking Team owner Sooth enjoys the
"top scorer car wash".

To the victors belong the spoils!

Week Two Game Highlights

Thank you Da 'Bears Defense, Blow Out City as the Rats smell like cheese...limberger cheese that is. The Nordsmen do what Vikings do....they came, they saw, they plundered...we havent seen a city get this beat up since the lights went out in Naw'lins.
VIKINGS rape and pillage Pittsburgh 123-73
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In the best "fly" preformance since Jeff Goldblum in the remake, or since offspring sang..."Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huhAnd all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy" The CadFly move to 2-0 despite having no running game. Thanks goes to Donovan McNabb, who fained injury in game one, came back in game two and simply threw the ball to T.O.
CADFLY 112 LORETTO 90+

ItsInTheGame 112 VooDoo 76
ROLF 97 Habap 90
Wizard 58 DarkHelmet 47
AC 63 CPU 60
FRANKS 79 AVON 62
DESTINOVA 86 FROST 77

Five Teams Jump Out to 2-0 starts

Five Teams, led by a strong eastern division have jumped out to quick 2-0 starts.

The Eastern Division, led by CadFly and Cunning Stunts post two of the top four
point totals in the league.

Other teams with a quick start include the Wizard, Acadians and Eagles.

In a shocking twist, the top point scorer, CherryDale is 0-2. Despite the two losses
team owner Dave Navarre had the following comments "yes we are disappointed
in the 0-2 start, however, we are very fortunate to be in a division that is led by
Britt Taylors Wizard. After reviewing his waiver wire acquisition of the 49'er defense
we are confident that he must be taking advice from a two month old baby girl"

Among the top four scoring offenses is also 1-1 west division Viking.

Power Polls thru week 2 ( power points listed beside each team
1 Cunning Stunts 41 Destinova drops poop logo, this team don't stink !
2 Vikings 38.5 Sooth is Smooth, led by Bear D'
3 CadFly 37.5 McNabb and C.Johnson keep this team Flyin'
4 Eagles 36 Franks is Driving a CADILLAC Baby, all the way home
5 Cherrydale Jobbers 35 Willie Parker aint no sour cherry
6 Carolina Wizards 34.5 A # 2 running back away from runnin away from every1
7 Well Endowed Players 29 Add John Holmes and this team may "inch" up on some people
8 Carolina Avon Ladies 27 A wide receiver away from knock, knock knockin on top tier's door
9 IT'S IN THE GAME! 23.5 Very Strong Come Back from the depths of Rebuilding,
STOLE STEPHEN DAVIS VIA TRADE !
10 Rolfeballs 22.5 Carson Palmer and T.O. will keep them in the upper half
11 Acadians 22 Need a # 3 receiver to produce,
12 CPU's Knudpuckers 21.5 Strong bench will help soon
13 River Rats (Pburg) 13 A strong QB puts them in the elite !
14 FLOGGING DOLPHINS 10.5 Receivers average only 3.5 points
15 Legions 9 Help is one puff away ! ricky will be ready in two weeks
16 Saldi VooDoo 7 Daunte, worst pick in the draft.

Alba Goes 5-3 in Week 2

Jessica Alba finished 5-3 in her "Picks of the Week" Selections. That makes our
guest "Pic'Em" Girls 10-4 after two weeks.

"The Fly guy really surprised me this week, and the Rats ? Lose by 50?, anyhow,
I would like to thank the SGFFL and Britt Taylor for the Hospitality shown me"

Good Luck Guys on the rest of the season!

( alba, on the right, seen watching the action from Britt and Beth Taylors house )

This Weeks SGFFL Pole

VooDoo announce new Offensive Co-ordinator

Don "magic" Juan has been hired as new offensive co-ordinator of the Saldi VooDoo. At a mid day press conference he had the following comments

"the man knows what im saying, to be successful in this world you need another man watching, guiding you, pontificating success in your ears....its what I do with my ****'s...im like look, you got what they want, so flaunt it, use it, its a swap, they want what you got, they got what you want....so make the transaction. Now, with Daunte...its like this, throw the ball to another viking, do what you do, make the plays man...and if you don't, well he knows now, I will kick his damn ass! Dumb MoFo think we are paying him all this money to entertain us ? Hell No, we are paying you to score points, Now Get the Hell out there and make it happen" " Now let me go check out our operations director...nice piece of ***" "i am going to talk to her about other ways we can drive some revenue through here....with her in the drivers seat man" "now, let me go check out her stripper pole"

When reached for comment VooDoo Financial Director Erica Saldi had the following to say,
"we are extremely excited by the addition of Don "Magic" Juan as our Offensive Co-Ordinator...we look forward to working with him....from a distance...as he is not allowed around my daughter."

Week 2 Jessica Alba Picks Em

ok boys, as serious as i can be .......here ya go !

VooDoo vs ItsInTheGame
voodoo - 13

The worst team in the league ( sorry to say that johnny )against the second worst team ? And you give the VooDoo13 ? Though ima black magic woman....I have to take theYandlewitz, sorry to hear that Casey is engaged :(

Its in the Game +13 is my choice
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RiverRats vs Sooth
riverrats -2

Antonio Gates is back, and i Love those Running Backs...I will give two points to the Vikings. Give me the Rats all day long baby !!

RiverRats -2

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rolfe -4habap
rolfe -4

Hmm, "Big" Ben is hurting...why do they call him big anyway ??? Girls like to know these things, and will willie parker repeat that preformance ? This is a tight one, Lets go outon a ledge and take the favorites. Give me the Rolfes.....and tell chris to put me on his desktop

i like chistopher rolfe -4
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wiz -3 vs darkhelmet

who doesn't like a good spoon ?, so with that said how can i bet against Spoon ? Love Peyton, Love Jackson, going to be anotherclose one....going out on a limb, give me a nice spoon job.

wiz -3
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Acadians vs CPU -9

That's lots of points to give someone...and though i am always in the giving mood to SGFFL owners...I am goingto take my Chris...I just love that guy. Give me AC AND THE POINTS

Acadians + 9

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Eagle - 5 vs Avon Ladies

Give The Avon Ladies 5 points ? Though im a redken girl i will jump on the Avon bandwagon. I like Kerry Collins in this matchup, now ladies lets go knock on some doors and sell sell sell

Avon + 5

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Cunning -2 vs Legions

Remember this boys, Good Looking Women love bad boys.The badder the better, Give me some Randy Moss....Dress me up in a traffic cop uniform and let him beat me down....just tell him to leave the weed at home, This girl don't do drugs. Love The Cunning Stunts in this one,

destinova -2

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cadfly vs WEPS -15

Hmm, Donovan seen on a stretcher, Suggs your starting RB...hope the indy defense really is good...here is my "stretch" pick of the week. Going to vote against that big round teddy bear of a guy in Chris Daniel, Plus after what happend to the buffett on friday how will they be able to keep up to the WEP's ??? Give me -15 and a roster loaded with Americas Team...Go Saints Baby, will show you some boobs for beads !

weps -15

Jessica Alba our week 2 "PickEm Girl"

Maxim CenterFold Jessica Alba has been selected to be the next Pick Em Girl for the SGFFL.

When reached for comment "I would like to thank those who voted for me, I just hope that I can come close to Eva's 7-1 record" she later added "those who did not vote for me can kiss my ***"
When advised that those men would love to kiss her ***, and other things...."haha, we all know that the only guy in this league that is coming anywhere ( no pun intended ) near me is Johnny Saldi" "Yes his football team may have sucked in week one, however,expect them to "perk" back up.

xoxo Jessie

Week One Grades are out by ESPN John Clayton

CAROLINA WIZARD A+ Manning with a WR duo of Smith and McCardell power this top offense into week 2

CAROLINA AVON'ers A + The Deuce is Loose, Collins throwing to Moss helps also!

CPU B + Bulger and Westbrook will shine, look out once Ravens Lewis gets started. concerned over the WR's drops them to a B

CUNNING STUNTS A - Brady, Rudi-Rudi-Rudi Johnson and that Dope Smokin', Traffic Cop beating Randy Moss are going to be tough each week

EAGLES B Carnell and Wilkins (k) are top scorers, may be cause for worry

CHERRYDALE B WR's Harrison and Bruce help, Bucs D came up big...Big Ben hurting ?

ACADIANS B Trent will put up numbers, running backs will produce

WEP B Gave KeyShawn the Damn Ball !

FLOGGIN DOLPHINS B + Got to love Willis and Brees. Could sneak up to the top tier

RIVER RATS B Strong Running Back Duo, can the QB Keep it up ?

CADFLY B - Survived without a RB, Colts D helped lots however they played the Raven offense !

VIKINGS C Fitzgerald carried the load, LT and Hasselbeck will bounce back

ROLF'ies C TO held to NO TD's, Big Day for Palmer...this team will be at the top of the pack soon

LEGIONairs C Raven D was big in the first half but we count points for the whole game, Leftwich had big numbers

ItsInTheGame D - Farve on the decline ? McNair was where ? trade jones for delhomme
and you will be an B team soon ! ( good move to pick up davis )

VooDoo F Culpepper ZERO points ? Bench outscores the Starters ? Who is running this team, a 2 month old ??

Injury UPDATE

CadFly in Panic Mode ?

CadFly's starting qb, Donovan McNabb is hurting. "we are evaluating Donovan, as of tonight we do not know if he will ever play again" commented Dr.Phil, thus leading to the speculation that Chris Daniel would have to trade top tier players to the VooDoo for Jake Delhomme.

news:www.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/eagles/2005-09-13-mcnabb-chest-injury_x.htm?POE=SPOISVA

mcnabb, seen here an in exclusive photo ???

SGFFL Announces new League Sponsor

RESTRICTED VIEWING, YOU MUST BE OVER 57 YEARS OLD AND VIEW THIS POST FROM YOUR HOME.

SORRY, YOU CAN BLAME THE OWNER WHOS LOGO IS A MAN TAKING A DUMP IN PUBLIC

Week 1 Top Scorer receives "PROPS"

**picture removed**

As Top Scorer for Week 1 League Commish Britt Taylor enjoyed a personalized car wash from an SGFFL GroupieGirl.

"Having drafted and put on the field the most prolific offense within the SGFFL is awe inspiring" There is a reason i was appointed League Commisioner" he added "I look forward to more free car washes from SGFFL girls" Britt Taylor,when asked why he had his car washed at the RTC office complex not his home "I'm married, you think i am a fool ?"

Final Two Games Updated

CadFly 74 Legions 62

Despite having no viable running back CadFly powered thru a week one victory over the Leionaires. Chad Johnson and Marcus Pollard accounted for about 30% of the offense and this was all Chris Daniel's men needed. The legions were led by 14 from Priest Holmes and double digits from Michael Vick, however, when asked if he was disappointed in the turnovers that cost Vick valuable points Ian McEachern said "I was doing the dirty bird after the early two TD's, then i simply was doing the ugly. Not to mention Santana Moss and Donald Drivers QB's not getting them the ball"


Flogging Dolphins 75 Rolfe 68
In one of the most entertaining games The Flogging Dolphins held on to beat Rolfe. With almost 50% of his points coming from Drew Brees and the Steeler Defense Dark Helmet powered by a T.O. Led Rolfies. A strong Carson Palmer effort helped Rolfe stay in the game however in the end the much troubled relationship of McNab and TO may have bled over to week one creating just enough gap for DarkHelmet to succeed in week one.

You Make The Call on who will be our Next Pick Em Girl

Jessica Alba was League Wide Pick to become week 2 "pick'em" girl.

Eva, guest picks 7-1 at press time

Eva Longoria, our week one celebrity "picks of the week" ended the week an impressive 7-1. We have been told that Las Vegas odds of Evan Longoria going
7 and 1 in week one of the SGFFL were 350-1.

This just reinforces the fact that the SGFFL has the best looking sports smarts Groupies.

week 1

Week # 1 is in the books, our hightlight game was between Wizard and CherryDale. Combining for over 233 points,The Wiz pulled off a win. Led by Payton Manning's 22pts and surprising contributions from Kennan McCardell and K Ryan Lindell 24 and 18. Cherry was paced by Willie Parkers 26 and Drew Bledsoes 25, they also received a strong performance from the TB Defense. Recording 23 pts against the Minnesota Vikings.
Wiz 118 Cherry 116

Avon 110 RiverRats 91

A quick start on Thursday night by Kerry Collins 26pts led the Avon to a week one victory. 25pts by Jimmy Smith and another 18 by Deuce proved to be the difference. The Rats led by Dillon and Portis had, what some called, a surprising16pts by Brian Griese, however, the inability of Clinton Portis to get into the end zone hurt. In the second highest scoring game of week one Jason Daniel team of door knocking makeup sales reps pulls off an 19pt win.


EAGLES 95(at press time) VIKINGS 78

Big plays and a strong kicking performance led the eaglesto a win on sunday. Jeff Wilkens outscored Doug Brien17-1, Cadillac Williams ripped a bit 70+ yard run sendingFranks home with a big W. This game was not officially decided until Monday night. The Eagle Defense had Vikingsowner Sooth Conceding before monday night. "Your Eagle D is going to get you some huge numbers tomorrow night so I might as well concede now" When asked if this consesion would lead to a league tampering investigation, Britt Taylor, league commish said the following "If JJ Arrington was my starting RB i would concede too, so no, we will not pursue any investigations into Sooth's quitting on his team"


CPU 96(and counting) ItsInTheGame 58

In an oxy moron, its in the game was really never in anything. In a complete blowout CPU destroys Casey Yandle. Led by a 29pt Buffalo Defense anda strong Mark Bulger outing of 24pts the CPU madequick work of ItwasNeverInTheGame. Also crushingwas the loss of #1 WideOut Walker, a dejectedYandle was heard saying "my season is over" sometimeduring work on Monday. When asked to comment Yandle said the following"i have reviewed the waiver wire, their are no runningbacks, i have requested trades with every team,for everyone" When asked if this puts his team ina "waiting mode for next year" Casey was heard singing"i can't stop this feeling anymore"i've forgotten what i started fighting for" its time to bring this ship into theshore, and throw away the oars..... we understand this was some 80's song by REO Speedwagon. At post time we understand Casey is still alive, all razors have been removed from his house.


Acadians Humiliate VooDoo 82-47

In another lopsided afair, the Acadians made quick work of a very ill preparedVooDoo team. With stars Jerry Porter and Randell El on the bench,and an uninspired Daunte Cullpepper scoring 0 Pts its a wonder this was not uglier,The star for the Acadians was TikiBarber with 16pts, though other then thatnothing stood out. Acadian owner Chris Gallant had the following comments"we did not really play that well, we have allot of work. We are just fortunantthat the team we played was inept. I would not be surprised to findout that the VooDoo are being run by an infant, in fact i wouldnt be surprisedif that infant wasn't two months old yet." This team really sucked",
We reached Ysabella Raegan, the seven week old Director of Communicationsfor the VooDoo, visibly upset, though her mother claimed it was because she wanted to breast feed ( being neglected by boobs would make anyone cry )said the following. "I, along with everyone in management, is totally disgusted by this poor performance. I have spoken to my mommy about having daddy stripped of his director of personnel title. I truly feel that daddy has been paying to much attention to the boobs of the VooDoo Dolls, not that there is anything wrong with big boobs, i mean i have boobs every 2 hours, though thats another matter, the point is that daddy is a moron. Based on his draft i am wondering if he is my daddy." When asked to comment on Erica Saldiwife and mommy said this "I will not confirm nor deny these rumors" All i can say is that i have a stripper pole in the extra bedroom"


CunningStunts 105 WellEndowed 91

Thursday Night openings by Brady,Moss and Deon Branch57pts led the Destinova to a big win. This was followed up byRudy Johnsons 19 which was a enough. Dallas gave KeyShawn the damn ball in the endzone twice to help WEP kepe things close. Joey Harrington poured in 19 and Tory Holt added 12 which was not enough. The preseasonleague favorite Cunning in a win in game 1

Britt Taylor calms Tempers

League Commish Britt Taylor took matters into his own hands today. Amid a growing hostility among a few team owners Mr. Taylor issued the following remarks,

"Lets get one thing straight...this is a competitive football league in which we come together and have fun. There will be jokes and pokes and insults from time to time but all in good fun. If you cannot handle it, do not reply to those posts".... Don't take the small shit so personally."

"As Pete Rozelle did when the AFL merged with the NFL in the late 60's commish Taylor has stood and made the new guys realize this is about being a league, we are all a team" commented CBS analysist James Brown...he went on to say "its refreshing to see someone, in authority, stand up and take control of the situation" Mr Taylor is a leader, at this moment that is what the SGFFL needs"

Finally being asked a question regarding football Mr Taylor also wanted everyone to know the following "Cherrydale, you are going DOWN today"

Opening Night, A+

Opening Night saw an awesome performance from Destinova aka CunningStunts, despite a reprimand, by league commish Britt Taylor, over a team logo that is a man dropping excrement,
the CunningStunts scored 58 first game points by 3 PLAYERS, Brady threw for over 300 yards and connected on 2 td passes, Randy Moss connected with Kerry Collins for a 73 yrd td, and not to be forgotten, in 6th round pick up Deion Branch caught a td along with 99yrds of receiving yards. This allowed Cunning to open up a 58-7 lead on WellEndowed, when reached for comment WEP Team President Loretto said the following "though down we have not had one game player on the field yet, we will not let this affect our preparation for Sundays game" As mentioned in the PRE GAME POST RANDY RANDY RANDY, WHAT AN IMPACT IN GAME 1
In other action, making for what should be an entertaining weekend,
Avon Ladies take a 26-21 lead over Pittsburgh, AC opens up a lead on your home town VooDoo,19-13, thanks to two td's by oakland TE Courtney Anderson.
We spoke with John Saldi late on Thursday evening "I have just put a call into Al Davis, what the hell kinda coach does he have ? What the **** is Norv Turner thinking ?" When asked about benching Jerry Porter for game one ... "look i do not have to explain every decision made by the front office to you, I am upset about the Ronald Curry move, not only ZERO catches but a holding penalty that cost Lamont 10+ yards, one full point, and dumb wad Stanokowski or what eva his damn name is...missed fg, maybe we should have given him a shot of jack daniels before the game, i have to go"
Franks 5-0 over Sooth in the only other action.

will DeStinova's Top Pick Make an Impact in Week 1

Randy Moss takes his Oakland Raiders into FoxBoro, Will he Bring Big Results to Destinova in Week 1 ? "We will be able to justify our top pick in just over 3 hours" commented the cunning stunt owner.

WE WILL SEE SOON

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL !

The 2005 SGFFL Season Kicks off tonight, preview of game one can be found
at www.NFL.com Game Center.
http://www.nfl.com/gamecenter/preview/NFL_20050908_OAK@NE

Tonight will provide a matchup of Several SGFFL Players,

From the VooDoo we will see Lamont Jordan, former UNC standout Ronald Curry,
Jerry Porter ( questionable and currently on the bench )

Tom Brady, Corey Dillion et all lead the Patriots.

Prior to GameTime enjoy the RollingStones, long time friend of Elizabeth Taylor,
(wife of league commish Britt Taylor) Mick Jagger had the following comments. "Liz called me back in June and had expressed her sadness of not being able to secure Madonna for opening night...after a few minutes I offered our services. As i told her, baby you can't
always get what ya want, but , if you try real hard you just may get what ya
need."

Also appearing will be HipHop artist Kanye West, "The man is bringing me down, he just don't understand the plight I am trying to express" and continued to ramble about something related to today's America. At which time Britt Taylor injected the following comments, "we respect Kanye as an artist but his views on politics, well, they do not reflect the feelings of the SGFFL or its owners"

We also understand that R and B artist Rihanna had the following comments "I was in the lobby shaking!," remembers Rihanna with a healthy dose of her Bajan accent hanging onto every one of her words. "I saw just a little bit of Britts face down the hall and I was just like, 'Oh my God!' I had never met a celebrity, and to meet a celebrity who's also the president of a league, that was crazy!!
Britt was also reminded that he was married, as he smiled at attractive 17 year old. "League rules prohibit dating of a 17year old, especially if your married"
Britt had no comments when told Elizabeth was seen leaving the press conference with Keith Richards.

Teri Hatcher drops by SGFFL team offices

Teri Hatcher made a surprise visit to league headquarters, when told that her number one fan was CherryDale owner Dave Navarre she left the following note,
"I was very disappointed that i was not included in the pole for "picks of the week girls" or whatever it's called. But very pleased to hear that my man Davie from CherryDales stuck up for me"

Eva Longoria Reports Odds for WEEK # 1

Week One Celebrity Guest Reporter Eva Longoria "Breaks Down" each
of the Eight Games.

We were very impressed with her knowledge of the SGFFL !
"I have known Ysabella Raegan ( voodoo director of marketing/communications ) for ohh about 8 weeks come wednesday" "So when she called me asking if i would partake in the Week 1 Festivities how could i say no ?" "Anyone that has had a friend slobber on their shoulders, root at their breasts, cry their little heart out.....you must know where i am coming from" "We sat down for a cup of coffee and bottle of breast milk, discussed the rosters, and well here are my thoughts on Week 1"

acadians vs. voodoo

Odds makers are concerned with the #2 running back spot on the VooDoo roster. VooDoo have been feverishly trying to upgrade without luck. Unless this is addressed take theAcadians - 6

carolinaavon vs. upriverrats

This matchup comes down to Kerry Collins vs. Brian Griese,Collins has the upside BUT he goes up against Brian Bilichek...on the positive side, Griese in Minnesota ? Take the Avon Ladies - 3

eagles vs. vikings

Could have been the Week One Highlight Game. But L.T.makes the power meter move towards the Vikings. Giving the eagles 1 plus having L.T. ? No brainerTake the Eagles +1

cherrydale vs. carolinawiz

In our UpSet Special, the Wiz an astounding +9,led by Peyton Manning and Steven Jackson lookvery formidable this season. So when is the besttime to "sneak" up on a good team ? Week One !Take the Cherry's +9

rolfe vs. floggindolphin

Rolfe comes at you with a three headed monster in thereceiving corp. Let by T.O. and Roy Williams, you haveto like Keary Colbert as a #3...On the dolphins sideMcGahee and Brees. Could be a toss up, how ever in this game take the Rolfe's -1

cpu vs. itsinthegame

# 1 Receivers and Running backs will be the name of this game. We like a mini upset, ITSINTHEGAME is too goodto leave the points on the table. ITSINTHEGAME Take em +3

legions vs. cadfly

Running Backs , Running Backs, Running Backs.May be the most lopsided game this week. CadFlyhas been hampered with injuries to the RB position.Unless team owner Chris Daniel addresses this, by trading a receiver ?, its going to be a long season.Take the legions GIVING cadfly lots of points.Legions -9

cunningstunts vs. wellendowed

Moss, Bolden,Branch, L.J.Smith, very strong receivingcore for the CunningStunts. And less we forget,led by Tom Brady. Cunning Stunts could be a off to a quick start. All this and they are NOT favored ?Take the Cunnings over Shaun Alexander and Aaron Brooks.Cunnings +1

"Looking forward to meeting each of the Team Owners at the opening of League HeadQuarters Wed. Night" Eva L.

VooDoo Team Announced

MidNight Madness
Practice Pics !!!

VooDoo MidNight Practice

Pictures from the first annual VooDoo MidNight Madness
Practice !!!

Court TV Report regarding Team Owner

Nancy Grace from CourtTV has confirmed that Carolina Avon Reps team president Jason Daniel was seen in Halifax County Court today, we would have asked for comment but Mr.Daniel imposed a media blackout earlier today.

Speculation has been swirling about a possible law suit being filed against Applebee's by Mr.Daniel, however that rumor was squashed when it was learned that Applebee's does not have a buffet, hence, Mr.Daniel would have never have entered Applebees.

We did reach Mr.Daniels brother, CadFly President Chris Daniel, to which he said the following.
"I can only confirm that this has nothing to do about the amount of Network Calls my brother makes each day, though I have pointed out to Russell Jones, RTC Director of operations, that i find this trend to be very alarming...especially because I make 120 calls a day"

When reached for comment League Commish Britt Taylor had the following to say "For those of you who do not work at Roanoke Technology, i am sure you have no F***** idea what this comment is pertaining to, though keep in mind, even if you did work at RTC, and you were speaking with Chris, you would have no idea what he was talking about." Other then that, as always, the league will not comment on certain issues that involve our owners...he then added "When the f*** is someone going to ask me a damn football related question ?"

Media Blackout

Jason Daniel, from the Carolina Avon's has called for a "media blackout" amongst all team rank and file.
This amid leaks within his organization regarding trade proposals.

In a related story, Super Agent Drew Rosenhaus, upon hearing that Chris Rolfe was "floating" the idea of trading star Wide Receiver T.O. had the following comments "You have to ****** kidding me ? What the ***** is his problem, he has lost his rabbid ass mind ! What a stupid ************" Look, all T.O. has wanted to do, for his entire life, is to play his ass off for a guy who lives in Roanoke Rapids N.C., it has been his life long passion, blood, sweat, tears and agony, daily for this guy from BFE. And this is how he is repaid ?" Let me make this very clear, T.O. Loves Roanoke Rapids, T.O. Lives for Roanoke Rapids, T.O. can not wait for DollyWood to come to Roanoke Rapids...."

Chris Rolfe, when reached for comment from his team head quarters of Roanoke Rapids N.C. issued the following statement.

"I've known Drew Rosenhaus for 20 years, and Drew does a great job for his clients," team president Rolfe said. "He says a lot of things ... and as good as Drew does his job as an agent, he doesn't do our job."

Season Opening Extravaganza Announced

Today League Commish Britt Taylor announced PreGame Festivities for the inaugural SGFFL season. "I am pleased to announce that Elvis Pressley, yes Elvis really is alive, will be our main headliner" Fellow artists Fiddy Cent and Beyonce' also will be involved. "We really feel that it is a major coup for us to pull Elvis out of hiding" Britt commented.
When pressed with the accusations that Elvis was really a team owner impersonating Elvis Britt,
with a raised upper lip had this comment
"Nah Baby Nah"
>>>>>>>>JayZ and Beyonce at the post draft
party. Beyonce will headline with Elvis during
a pregame event.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>